Hey Xing, thanks for hanging in there, really appreciate it. This is incredible customer support!
I tried this, and now I think things are much clearer after your excellent explanation. To paraphrase the big lebowski, "My thinking had become all uptight ..." regarding this whole thing .. Thanks for explaining it.
Well, now I'm still getting the db login error, but I think I understand the process much better as to what is happening, so I'm not freakign out as much. I think my error is because my server is installed under nobody/nogroup. Apache was running under www-data/www-data.
"Error establishing a data connection"
maybe this is not a question for you, but does this ring a bell at all? should I try re-installing lsws under www-data to see if it will get over the mysql problem.
again, thanks so much for your patience, and all the help, that is totally cool!